sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Edward fifth and chaser hands
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
I have grass duct taped all over my body
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
