I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
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