I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
