At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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