Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
The uberlube is also flammable
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
