There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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