He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
