that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
