I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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