When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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