Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Randomize
