she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
