at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
