I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
