help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
