Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
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