I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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