a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
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