Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
