So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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