I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Randomize
