You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
