That's intense
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
