I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
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