I want to make a zoo with you.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
