my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Randomize
