listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Randomize
