On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
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