I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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