i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
