Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Randomize
