the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
That accounts for only three of the penises
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
