Whatcha textin bout Willis?
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
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