Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
