the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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