the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Randomize
