Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
