took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize
