So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Randomize
