she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Randomize
