yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
