I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
