I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Randomize
