it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
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