I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
