He is an equal opportunity slut.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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