I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize