thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Randomize
