I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
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