She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize