stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
We had sex on a dog bed..
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
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