Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
