doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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