Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I'm both gender and math confused
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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