Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
