Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
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