i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Boobs are out for the taking
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize
