Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
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he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
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Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
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