Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
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