Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
