the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
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Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
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Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Terrible idea I love it
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
So here I am, sexting at work.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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