i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I have already put on my inside pants.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Randomize
