you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
You made out with two different species that night
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Randomize
