I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Randomize
