is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
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