She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Just invented taco cereal.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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