The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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