how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
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