i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
