i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
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