Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
