What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
