Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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