I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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