is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Randomize
