Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Randomize
