Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Randomize
