Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
