Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
why do cheetos always look like penises
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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