Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
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