Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
