Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
