i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
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