he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Im part way to drunk.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
