i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Randomize
